Did I hear you correctly?

source

Communication is such a key thing in a relationship. Communication with our spouses and our children is so important. I read a book a while ago called "The Hour that matters most". Basically it was about having meals together as a family and having conversations with one another, without any distractions. There were two things that I took away from this book when it comes to communicating with your children/teenagers:

• Clarification is needed..."What I hear you saying is..." You must make sure you hear them correctly (this is also good when communicating with your spouse--we all hear things differently than maybe what was intended)

                a. this unearths hidden feelings

                b. this takes away the 'fear of feeling' for the child/teen

                c. this helps the kids/teens solve their problems

• Reflection is needed

                 a. reflect on the content of the message

                 b. reflect on the thinking behind the message

                 c. reflect on the feeling behind the message

EXAMPLE OF CONVERSATION:

• child:  "I couldn't believe he said that about me."
• parent:  "He was unkind."
• child:  "Yeah. He said really mean things."
• parent:  "It made you feel sad."
• child:  "Yes, I didn't like it at all."
• parent:  "That must be upsetting."

***Clarify before you condemn!! Listen as if you mean it. Listen slowly.

***Ask open ended questions, not yes and no questions.