I remember the first time it really hurt to say goodbye. That was when I said goodbye to my dear friend Gail. She was my best friend in elementary and middle school. She was moving away. That really stung.
The next time I said goodbye really hurt. That was when I went to college. I thought my heart would break when my family walked out that door. It took me a few weeks for that sick feeling in my stomach to go away.
The next time that I felt pain was when Michael told me he needed a break from dating...he needed to figure things out; he was confused. That heartbreaking goodbye was so awful. We had watched the movie "Say Anything." To this day, I cannot remember watching that movie that night. I remember sitting on the floor in the living room of his parents house, and him telling me that he needed a break because he was confused. This was excruciating pain, because I really thought that he was the one. I had never met anyone who had met everything on my list so perfectly. Fortunately for me, that break-up only lasted for two weeks, and we got engaged 10 months later and then married.
But, after that break-up I had so many more painful goodbyes. The summer before we got engaged, Michael had moved 7 hours away from where I was. I was only able to see him every few weeks. I cannot tell you how terrible those goodbyes were. He had become my world...my life, it was so painful to be without him. I would usually have to take off work those Mondays after a trip to see him. I was literally sick to my stomach and so so tired. My heart felt like it was breaking.
Then came the many trips that Michael has been on for Business. I hated those goodbyes. It got a little easier with time after the boys came, but I still hated it.
Of course, the worst goodbyes are those that are permanent. I have said goodbye to four grandfathers, two grandmothers, and two fathers. It is so awful, knowing that you will never see them again.
I have other goodbyes to endure. One day I will have to say goodbye to my boys, as they get married and have families of their own. I do not long for this day at all. This will be so difficult to do.
I hate goodbyes...but there is one goodbye that I do look forward to. That goodbye is to this world. I look forward to heaven. I cannot wait to see the movie "Heaven is for real." With the passing of my dad so recent, this seems so relevant.
It's the permanent goodbyes that leave an imprint on one's heart. I too hated the goodbyes we've had to share in our life together...but I sure loved the hellos.
ReplyDeleteAmy, I lost what i was commenting on, hit a wrong key! I love hearing what each of you are doing, daily on the weekends, where you've been on the weekend, etc. all of it. I feel like I know more about you than I would have ever dreamed of asking! Dad was the talkative one! Did I hear you laugh at that comment?! Hello to all of the guys! I love you all soooooo much!
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