Red Flags in Dating

Michael and I have been enjoying watching 19 Kids and Counting on TLC. Right now they are going through a stage of many daughters dating and getting married. They call it courting, and though we agree with the philosophy of courting, we like the more modern word dating.

It is really refreshing to watch the parents and teens/young adults of the Duggar family in regards to dating. They take a Biblical view on the subject. Although there are some things that we do not necessarily have in common with the Duggars, this is one that we do.

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I really feel like as Christians we have begun to just accept what the culture dictates to us. As Christians, we KNOW what is right and wrong when it comes to dating and marriage. Yet, we have begun to make excuses and just accept that "this is now the norm." I think it is just awful.

I do feel like the best way to guard ourselves against the temptations that occur during dating is to make it a family affair. Everyone in the family, on both sides, should be getting to know one another. Sure, those two dating have to have time alone together... to really have conversation together. But I really feel like that alone time still needs to be in the presence of others that truly care about them. It is the only way to truly protect yourself from those temptations.

Watching the Duggars show has really got me to thinking more about this lately. We have two teenage boys that will soon be nearing that "dating" age. I want to know what we all expect during this time.

I read a book on dating called "Marriable: Taking the Desperate out of Dating" written by Hayley and Michael Dimarco." One of the hardest things as far as dating goes is finding the right person. In this book, there were some rules when it comes to finding the right person. Here is what they had to say.

Red Flags in a Dating Relationship:

1. Abusive or controlling...this seems so obvious, but sometimes we get blinded by infatuation or love.
2. You feel worse after spending time with them (they make you feel bad about yourself and make you doubt yourself)
3. Sexually pushy. Don't allow someone to push you farther than you know is right, no matter how much you like them. Make sure that you are both on the same page right from the start.
4. Dishonesty--you will never be able to fully trust them. This is destructive.
5. Argumentative--they literally suck the life out of you.
6. They don't share your faith with you--this is a big flag. That is why marrying someone from your church is one of the greatest blessings.
7. Disinterested in you and what you care about--make sure that the relationship is mutual. If they don't really seem to care about you, move on.
8. Sexually active...this is obvious, but important to still find out.
9. Drugs and drinking...make sure you are on the same page with these. These could really get in the way of a good relationship.
10. Your parents don't like them. This is really big. Usually your parents or siblings see something that you don't, because you are blinded by infatuation or love. Don't close your eyes to what they are pointing out to you.

Yellow Flags in a Dating Relationship:

1. Past baggage--you have to live with the consequences of their past mistakes.
2. Irritating to you--don't spend your life with someone that gets on your nerves
3. Money or Debt problems--this is the number one cause of divorce in America. 
4. Secretive...it means that they have things that they are hiding from you. That is not good at all.
5. Cultural Differences--you have to make sure that you are willing to accept these differences, because sometimes they are huge differences.
6. Family red flags--You have to look at the whole family, because you are marrying the whole family.

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I will do a later post about what I believe a Biblical "dating" (courting) relationship should look like.